Because I had a bit of leave left, I wrapped up my workdays for the year yesterday. Of course, that only means I don’t have to physically go to the office for the rest of the year—there’s still work to be done. In fact, I even had to troubleshoot issues and respond to messages from U.S. colleagues at noon on Saturday due to the time difference. It’s been a while since I last updated, so I thought I’d take this chance to summarize and vent a little about work.
I’m about to hit the one-and-a-half-year mark as a rookie in the workplace. Looking back on this time, the overwhelming feeling is—panic. Anxiety and panic. Worrying about not being able to handle tasks, worrying about potential issues, worrying about system failures or financial risks. It truly feels like walking on thin ice, where every step has to be taken with extreme caution, fearing that I might step into a trap. On one hand, there are many external factors beyond my control; on the other hand, the scope of the business systems is just too vast, with countless edges and corners where details can be easily overlooked. It feels like no matter how careful you are, problems can still arise—some of which might be completely out of your control.
The Pressure of "Not Making Mistakes"
The main reason for this constant panic is the pressure of "not making mistakes." In a large company, the cost of making a mistake is just too high. One system failure or financial loss could directly result in a poor performance review—or even being "let go." Even if it doesn’t come to that, in such a competitive and cutthroat environment, a single mistake can significantly impact your chances of promotion and career development.
But this isn’t just an issue in the tech industry. A few days ago, I read a news story about a lawyer who forgot to inform their client to pay an additional 5 yuan in court fees. The client sued them for arbitration, and the lawyer ended up compensating over a million yuan. The legal profession is another high-risk field. This made me realize even more deeply that some professions simply have an incredibly high cost of error—you just can’t afford to make mistakes.
Blurred Lines Between Work and Life
Apart from the pressure of "not making mistakes," what exhausts me the most is how hard it is to separate work from life.
First, there’s the issue of working hours. Late nights at work have become the norm. Sometimes, I work overtime until after 10 p.m., and by the time I get home, there’s barely enough time to wash up and sleep—leaving no room for personal life. Even on rare occasions when I leave work early, there’s always someone who needs to reach out to me for something.
Second, everyone plays a role in the overall business chain. If you don’t complete your task, it holds up others; conversely, if someone else doesn’t finish their task, you’re stuck too. To avoid delays, you sometimes end up disturbing others at inconvenient times, like evenings or weekends. Of course, this kind of disturbance is mutual—I often get bombarded with messages during my own downtime as well. Over time, the boundaries between work and life become increasingly blurred.
What Can Be Done?
At the end of the day, work is still just work. We work to earn money, and we earn money to live. My future goal is to find a less stressful industry or role where mistakes are more tolerable and the pressure isn’t so high. Of course, the ideal scenario would be not having to work at all. Who knows when I’ll finally be able to live off passive income? Hopefully, it won’t take until retirement (though there’s no guarantee I’ll even make it to retirement).